The Summary Judgment Review:
Title: Big Fat Box of Shit
Artist: Crotchduster
Label: Willowtip
Release Date: 8/23/04

Rating: 5 Skulls

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  • Reviewed by Kefka X (5/21/04):
    Have you ever had listening experiences that have caused you to undergo such a magnificent spiritual revelation? Okay, so I have those every five minutes, but this time, THIS TIME, it's sincere and honest. Trust me! Would I mislead you? (Don't answer that, it's rhetorical.) Anyways this is the spiritual enlightenment of a lifetime! This is the metal band to end all metal wars and crusades! This is THE band you need to hear. This . . . is . . . Crotchduster?

    THAT'S RIGHT! Crotchduster. To explain the history of this band would take hours and ultimately perplex you so I'll take the liberty of summing it up in two words: tax evasion. Don't worry if it doesn't make sense to you now, just give it some time and it will slowly seep into your puny little minds.

    Not convinced just based on that information alone? Let's go to the selling points. Are you one of those schmucks who hate Suffoclones and every new melodic metalcore band that has no iota of diversity in their music whatsoever? Well have no fear! Because Crotchduster effectively pulls off the exhausting task of including EVERY GENRE of music there is possible! You've got thrash, death metal, power metal, glam! You've got vocoders! You've got Glen Danzig impersonations! You've got Slayer covers! You have improvisational jazz! All of this performed with such crafty musicianship that you won't believe your very ears! Still not sold? You've even got a special guest vocal appearance from RICHARD CHRISTY!!! STILL not sold??? THEY HAVE A DOG AS A DRUMMER. You don't get much more BR00TAL than that, man!

    But why talk more about this than I have to? Just download the MP3's from the website and get a taste of the supremacy that is Crotchduster. This has already won my vote as album of the year. In fact, this may very well win my vote as album of FOREVER! This is the greatest metal album you will ever hear! Listen to Crotchduster or DIE! Support Williamsburgland and buy plenty of Mammal Sauce! Buy this album! Buy Buy Buy Buy Buy Buy Buy!!!

    5 out of 5

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